Whatever, I know it's cheesy, but it's mine, and I love it. So grab some wine and deal.
Anyways, a dream begins. I was in love at the time, but not with a boy. Don't get me wrong, I had a HUGE crush on a guy named Matt, but that never went anywhere. What did I love? Band. I loved band - at this point, I was only in the middle school concert band, but it was my passion. I played my clarinet constantly, and I wasn't too bad to boot, not to sound cocky. When 8th grade rolled around, the best of the 8th grade band students were invited to join the high school marching band. I was so excited. Yes, I was (and am) a total geek. And I was even more excited that all my closest friends were going to join, too. That sorta took the sting out of the horror that is being 13 years old around a bunch of 14-18 year olds. Just a weee bit terrifying.
I was especially scared of band camp. I had heard all kinds of stories about hazing and the embarrassing things they make you do to initiate you into marching band, so I couldn't imagine what tortures the seniors had in store for me and my friends. I was safe for now though - initiation didn't take place until freshman year. But in some ways, that first band camp was an initiation in itself. It was incredibly hot and humid, and our practices lasted for hours in the morning and afternoon. Thankfully, a few older girls in the clarinet section took me under their wing and made me feel at least a bit more emotionally comfortable. And it just so happened that one of them, Sarah, was Josh Baxter's friend.
Now don't get me wrong. I didn't fall head over heels in love with Josh the moment I saw him. But I did feel something - this nearly indescribable magnetic pull toward him. I quickly learned he was the funny, witty guy in band. He had an incredible, infectious smile (still does!), a cute dimple, and he was skinny as a rail. I only remember small shreds of talking to him that week, but it was that smile that still stays so strong and well-defined in my memory.
The next few years blur together. It took me until college to develop enough social skills to directly verbalize an attraction and interest in a guy, so from the tender age of about 13-15, I communicated my attraction for Josh in typical backward, young-teenager ways. I made fun of him, I created reasons to be around him, I flirted with him at every possible moment I could carve out, all the while trying not to seem too obvious (I was such an idiot...), and I generally adored him from afar. I can't tell you the exact moment that I realized my interest went from admiring his sense of humor to just being crazy about him, but it happened pretty quickly after meeting him. I inwardly swooned when he played his trombone solos, I snatched quick, desperate glances at him across the football field while marching or while we were in the stands playing or in the hall as I walked to class. I became friends with his little sister, not because she was his sister, but because she was (and is) just as precious and sweet as I would later find out he was. And yes, Everyone - just as my mother has probably gushed to you, I used to commission her to take pictures of him and only him during band concerts. I even have a fantastic picture I took of him after a ball game (or was it a competition?). He didn't want me to take his picture, so the look he gave me was priceless.
I adore that picture.
Time marched along, as it tends to do, and Josh graduated. At that point, I had pretty much given up on ever getting together with him. He was way out of my league anyway, I mean...the guy was a genius. He graduated high school at 16 - that's just not done very often in Tennessee! So I crushed on several other guys, dated one of them until my freshman year of college, but none of the guys were anywhere near as amazing to be around as Josh.
I kept tabs on how life was going for Josh through his sweet sister, Christina. He was going to East Tennessee State University, the college in my hometown, and he was dating somebody. And Christina did not like his girlfriend. At all. The way she talked about her, she was a control freak. I think I might have blown my interpretation of what Christina was telling me a bit out of proportion at the time, but it was clear that Christina was upset by this girlfriend. I clearly remember one conversation we had about how his girlfriend made Josh wear certain kinds of clothes or brands or something...so weird. Needless to say, I despised this girl I didn't even know, but what could I do? I never talked to Josh anymore, never saw Josh, and was never close enough to Josh to try to talk him out of the relationship. So I did the only thing I knew to do - be an outlet for Christina's frustration.
One day sometime in my senior year, Josh came to visit at band practice one day, and he had changed. He had easily put on 50 lbs since I had last seen him, and his hair was really long. I wasn't crazy about the new look, but I was happy to see him. I can't remember too much about his visit - it's funny how some memories are so dull when you try to recall them.
The next time I remember Josh reappearing in my life was my freshman year of college. I had moved to Knoxville to go to college at the University of Tennessee, and my life was a huge crazy mess. I was suddenly in a ton of debt, working 30 hours a week for a cruel, evil pharmacist, ending a 2 year relationship, and trying not to fail my first year of college. Those 4 months were some of the worst and best of my entire life. Things began to get brighter, though, when my room mate started talking to Josh online. I have no idea how that happened - they weren't really close in high school either, but I'm just glad it did happen. I asked my room mate if I could use her computer to talk to him and say "hi," and before you know it, Josh and I were chatting like we had been old friends. And holy crap, he was fun to talk to. According to my journal, 9/23/03 is the date I proclaimed my rekindled crush on Josh. Hehe.
Here's an abridged/edited version of my journal entry from 10/29/03 [brackets are my current commentary on my journal entry]:
"Here's the story. The weekend I came home for Fall break, we went on our first date. We saw Intolerable Cruelty - meh, it was okay [it was horrible, for the record, but the movie didn't matter...]. But being with him...wow. After the movie, we went to Motos (he knew I really had wanted to go when I got home [Johnson City]). Well, it got a little awkward there [yay being shy!]. Awe, those eyes...they're blue-ish...mmm...Where was I? Ah yes. So after that, we went to putt putt [mini golf], which was fun. Then to Skate City. [Seriously, we had about 3 dates in one that day! It was awesome.]
The second date...now that could take up pages. And the first one even lasted longer! But anyways, I was having the worst weekend ever. I had to work all weekend with Rich [evil bastard pharmacist boss], and it was just bad. But Josh...awww!!! He said he would come up Sunday afternoon! Two hours driving here and two hours driving home...JUST TO SEE ME! Awww!! So after a hellish day at work, I drove like a bat outta there & back to the dorm. I changed into something cute and met him outside. We went to the movies and saw Scary Movie 3. [Insert a lot of 18-yr-old-talk about hand holding...sheesh] After the movie, we went to Applebees."
Okay, I just realized that the rest of my journal does a lot of mushy gushing that I don't feel like sharing with you guys. So I'll sum it up in my nice, 27-yr-old words. We flirted a ton over dinner, then ended up getting a bit lost driving around Knoxville. We eventually found campus again, and by then, it was about 12:00 am. We parked in some lower parking lot and talked and talked for ages. Okay, we talked for about 20 minutes. We made out for about 2 hours. Yes, our first kiss kinda blurred into our 53rd kiss...it was awesome. And probably more than you wanted to know.
From there, our romance grew. There were very few days from 10/26/03 to 11/2007 that we spent apart. I moved back home to Johnson City and enrolled at ETSU, and I even took a few core classes with Josh. That was fun. We studied together, we talked on the phone for hours, we went on dates more or less every single day, and it was all magical. I love one part of my journal entry - I explained it like this:
"It's so weird...none of this feels real. Not that I'm not insane about him! I'm completely...awww...I'm his "momo" (peach in Japanese). What's even stranger is that he always tells me how hot I am. I'm like...yeah...right. A hot guy calling me hot? Ha. It's just crazy..."
He took me to get my wisdom teeth out only a month or so after we started dating, and he played nurse. It was so sweet. And I could go on and on about all the amazing times we had over the next 4 years, but I'm pretty sure you didn't sign up to read a novel, and I don't think I have it in me at the moment to write it. Suffice it for now to say that those were the best 4 years of my entire life.
So let's skip ahead a bit. Josh graduated college in May 2007, so naturally, he started looking for a job. Unfortunately, there just aren't a lot of opportunities in East TN for a computer programmer. Then one day, a friend from grad school said that his company, Consona, was hiring and that Josh should give it a go. So he did. Originally, the job was going to be in Boston. Let's just say I wasn't too thrilled. I still had another semester left of school, and I wasn't really wanting to make a life in Boston. Bleh.
The interview process was rigorous. I think he had around 7 phone interviews, and eventually they flew him up to Boston for in person interviews. He was so excited. I still vividly remember taking him to the airport that day...he was dressed in khakis and a blue dress shirt and tie, and he was beaming with excitement. When he got home, it was pretty clear shortly after that they loved him and wanted him. So I began mentally preparing myself to move to Boston after graduation.
Until they decided they'd rather have him in Washington State. AREYOUKIDDINGME???
Remember, we hadn't been apart from each other more or less since 2003, and suddenly, he was moving to a state I couldn't even drive to in one day! I was heart broken. But I was also stuck. I had another month and a half of school left, and even then, we were still dating. At this point, he hadn't proposed. We hadn't even talked about marriage. We had no plans. Except to wing it. I begged my parents to let me move up there, assuring them that I wasn't shacking up with him, but they insisted that it would be shameful and was absolutely not an option.
Fine. I'll take this into my own hands then.
Josh moved sometime in November (if I remember correctly). Life was bleak, but we made the most of it. I graduated college, which was anti-climatic really, and continued working at the pharmacy. I felt pathetic. A college graduate. Still living at home. Only a friend or two to hang out with. Still working at a job I hated. And no Josh.
At some point, and I can't remember if it was before he moved or after, I wrote a three page paper to Josh detailing why we needed to talk about getting married. Yes, an English major at heart, but seriously, I had panic attacks just thinking about sitting him down and having this conversation, so writing it all out made the most sense. You might not know this about me, but I really didn't want to ever get married at any point in my life, until I found Josh. So the whole situation was a bit panic inducing.
It wasn't until he flew in for a visit in January 2008 that we were engaged. There was no surprise about it - heck, I drove him to the jewelry store and sat in the car while he picked out my ring. But by golly, I made him wait until we got to his house to do it properly. It was so cold out. We got out of the car, both grinning ear to ear like a couple of idiots. We walked to the garage door, and he got out the ring. He knelt down, took my hand, and asked me if I'd marry him. I can't remember if I said "yes" or "of course" or "why did it take you so long to ask???" but it doesn't matter. And like a fairy tale, right when I accepted, it started to snow. Anyone ever seen the last episode of season 2 of Downton Abbey? Yeah, kinda like that, only we weren't in front of a castle, and we weren't dressed in fancy clothes, and it wasn't dark, and we were a way cuter couple.
After that, things became a whirlwind of crazy. He flew back home, and I started planning our wedding. It was going to be in May, and it was going to be an outdoor wedding in a field. The only problem was, we had absolutely no money, and our parents didn't either. I started looking for bargains and things, but it just wasn't working out at all.
On February 8th, I had another horrible day at the pharmacy. It was a bit similar to the horrible day I had back in Knoxville 4 1/2 years previously, and really, it was more than just work sucking. I was ready for a change in life, and I was so frustrated and felt so stuck. I called Josh and cried and cried...and he offered to fly in that night for my birthday. I couldn't believe it, just like I couldn't believe it when he offered to drive to Knoxville just to see me years ago. It was an incredibly kind and generous and romantic offer. So I went, bought a cute dress, and drove to Charlotte, NC on my birthday (2/9) to pick him up. I couldn't have been happier. It was so amazing to see him that the 3 hour drive to and from the airport might as well have been 30 minutes for all I cared.
Slight side story - as we drove home from NC, I was speeding quite badly (going about 90 mph), and a cop clocked me at 81 (thank the good Lord!). Totally got a ticket. On my birthday. On the day I picked up my love. Two days before my wedding.
But I didn't know that last part yet.
We went home, and I can't even remember what we did. We probably went out to eat and spent the day visiting family. He spent the night at our house (in a separate room, ya'll!), and on Sunday, we went to church. It was funny though...when we woke up Sunday morning, we wanted to get married. We had started talking about having to wait until May and how impossible it was to plan any kind of wedding with no money, and suddenly, it just made sense. Why in the world should we wait? We were ready to start our life together - let's do this thing NOW!
Monday morning (2/11), we woke up pretty early and started making preparations. I had a doctor's appointment, and after that, we ran to the courthouse. You'd think that God might have been trying to tell us something that day...not only did I forget my social security card (which by the way, kids, you have to have it in order to get a marriage license!) and had to run home to get it, but also every single judge in the Tri-Cities was out of town at a convention. Every. Single. One.
Let me assure you - there wasn't anything standing in my way that day. I was determined to be Sasha Baxter by the end of the day.
I knew our minister would never ever agree to marry us without counseling us for months prior, etc, and as I've mentioned, I was determined. This was happening. Now. We called Josh's best friend's dad who had just become a Methodist minister, and asked if he could do it. He had to make some calls to make sure, and when he called us back, he said that he could (though another minister had to be present), and that he'd meet us at the chapel at 7pm.
Now, it's difficult for me to really describe how strange it was not only to get married in a Methodist church, but also to get married in a church that was about 30 seconds from Josh's mom's house. It was such a cute little white church - it could hold maybe 50 or 60 people, and that would be absolutely packing it full. Never in a million years could I have guess that that's where I would get married.
Anyway, I called my best friend to ask her if she could be there, and though she was disappointed at the sudden change of plans, she was happy to come and be my maid of honor. Looking back, I feel horrible - she had planned a pretty major surprise bachelorette party and everything for me. I love her dearly, and hope that she forgives me for running off with Josh.
We weren't able to call very many other people to be there, given that it was so last minute. On my side, there was Mom, Dad, Megan, and Regenia. On Josh's side (thanks to the fact that they all lived pretty darn close, woo!!!) was quite a few more people, including his family, his grandparents, some aunts and uncles, and some friends.
And there we were. Standing in front of the ministers, laughing it up and chatting with them, chatting with our family, and being very un-wedding like. Nothing remotely formal, except the words and some scriptures the minister spoke. I even held the church's little vase filled with fake red flowers as my bouquet. We said I do and kissed, we had our family and friends take some pictures, and we all went to Fatz's Cafe for the "reception." It was all so much fun. The only way our wedding could have been better is if more of our friends and family could have been there. Mom ended up getting us a room at a nearby hotel, and we stayed there a couple of nights until he had to fly home. I put in my two week notice at the pharmacy immediately, and started packing. In two weeks, I would be flying to Seattle, Washington. A new world. A new home. A new life.
And here we are, kids. Josh and I have been married 4 years now, and it's been a wonderful and crazy time. And I'm happy to say that I'm even more crazy about him now than I ever was. He is my treasure. He is my sunshine.
